After twelve years.

It is only a question of when one decides to wake up. It is up to you whether you want to have a little more sleep — then turn over and pull the blanket up. But even while you are asleep inside the blanket, enjoying a beautiful morning, you are a buddha. It is up to you.

Buddha decided to sit under a tree; you have decided to lie down in bed — but there is no essential difference. If Buddha can become enlightened under a tree, you can become enlightened under a blanket. It will really be better, because you will be opening a new possibility for future humanity; otherwise, people will think that you always have to sit under a tree. And particularly in the cold winter, and in the rainy season, and in all kinds of trouble they will go on postponing buddha-nature.

Of course, it is possible under a blanket, and I think most of you will prefer it under a blanket. It was just coincidental that poor Gautam Buddha was sitting under a tree. He had no idea that the same can happen under a blanket. In fact, the same question was asked to him by his wife…

When Buddha became enlightened, the first thing he said to his disciples was, ‘I would like to go to Yashodhara and talk to her.’ His wife….

Ananda was very much disturbed. He said, ‘What is the point of your going back to the palace and talking to your wife? You have left her. Twelve years have passed.’ And Ananda was upset also, because how can a Buddha think about his wife? Buddhas are not expected to think that way.

When the others had left, Ananda said to Buddha, ‘This is not good. What will people think?’

Buddha said ‘What will people think? I have to express my gratitude to her, and I have to thank her for all the help she gave me. And I have to give something of that which has happened to me – I owe that much to her. I will have to go.’

After twelve years, when he came back to the palace, he knew that his father would be very angry. He was the only son, born when the father was very old, and all his father’s hopes were dependent on him. The old man was just waiting for him to be ready to take charge of the whole kingdom — he was tired and he wanted to retire — and just before that Gautam Buddha escaped from the palace.

Just one day before Gautam Buddha left, a child had been born to his wife. It is such a human story, so beautiful: before leaving the palace, he just wanted to see at least once the face of the child, his child, the symbol of his love with his wife. So, he went into the chamber of his wife. She was asleep, and the child was covered under a blanket. He wanted to remove the blanket and to see the face of the child, because perhaps he will never come back again.

He was going on an unknown pilgrimage. Nothing can be known of what will happen to his life. He was risking everything, his kingdom, his wife, his child, himself, in search of enlightenment — something he has only heard of as a possibility, which has happened before to a few people who have looked for it.

He was as full of doubts as any one of you, but the moment of decision had come…. That very day he had seen death, he had seen old age, he had seen sickness and he had also seen a sannyasin for the first time. It had become an ultimate question in him: “If there is death, then just wasting time in the palace is dangerous. Before death comes, I have to find something that is beyond death.”

He was determined to leave. But the human mind, human nature… He just wanted to see the face — he has not even seen the face of his own child. But he was afraid that if he removes the blanket, if Yashodhara, his wife, wakes up — there is every possibility she will wake up — she will ask, “What are you doing in the middle of the night in my room? — and you seem to be ready to go somewhere.”

The chariot was standing outside the gate, everything was ready; he was just about to leave, and he had said to his charioteer, “Just wait a minute. Let me see the child’s face. I may never come back again.”

But he could not look because of the fear that if Yashodhara wakes up, starts crying, weeping, “Where are you going? What are you doing? What is this renunciation? What is this enlightenment?” One never knows about a woman — she may wake up the whole palace! The old father will come, and the whole thing will be spoiled. So he simply escaped…

After twelve years, when he was enlightened, the first thing he did was to come back to his palace to apologize to his father, to his wife, to his son who must be now twelve years of age. He was aware that they would be angry. The father was very angry — he was the first one to meet him, and for half an hour he continued abusing Buddha. But then suddenly he became aware that he was saying so many things and his son was just standing there like a marble statue, as if nothing was affecting him.

The father looked at him, and Gautam Buddha said, “That’s what I wanted. Please dry your tears. Look at me: I am not the same boy who left the palace. Your son died long ago. I look similar to your son, but my whole consciousness is different. You just look.”

The father said, “I am seeing it. For half an hour I have been abusing you, and that is enough proof that you have changed. Otherwise, I know how temperamental you were: you could not stand so silently. What has happened to you?”

Buddha said, “I will tell you. Just let me first see my wife and my child. They must be waiting — they must have heard that I have come.”

[…] Rabindranath has written a poem about this incident when Buddha comes.

He went to the palace. He saw his wife. Certainly, Yashodhara was mad! This man escaped one night without even saying anything to her.

She said, ”My anger is not that you renounced the world. If you wanted to renounce it, I would never have prevented you. My anger is that you did not trust me. You did not say a single word and in the middle of the night you escaped. That has been hurting me. Just as you belong to a warrior race, I am also the daughter of a great warrior. We send our husbands to war with prayers, with garlands, touching their feet, not allowing even a tear to come in the eyes because that may prevent them, may be destructive to their lifestyle and their life pattern.

”If you had said to me that you wanted to renounce the world in search of truth, I would have been dignified. You disrespected me. You damaged my dignity. My anger is not that you left; my anger is that you did not tell me why.”

Buddha himself had never thought about it, that the cause of anger would be of not saying to his wife…

And the wife said, ”If you had loved me enough you would have trusted me. I would have sent you with prayers in my heart that you should succeed and be victorious in your search, but you did not allow me the chance. Couldn’t you have trusted me even that much?” And she was crying. Twelve years of anger! And this man had escaped like a thief in the middle of the night – suddenly, without giving a single hint to her.

And the first thing his wife said to him was, “I can see that you are transformed. First I want to ask the only question that has been in my mind for all these twelve years, which is that whatever you have attained… and it certainly seems you have attained something. You are no longer the same person who left this palace; you radiate a different light, your presence is totally new and fresh, your eyes are as pure and clear as a cloudless sky.”

“You have become so beautiful… you were always beautiful, but this beauty seems to be not of this world. Some grace from the beyond has descended on you. My question is that whatever you have attained, was it not possible to attain it here in this palace? Can the palace prevent the truth?”

It is a tremendously intelligent question, and Gautam Buddha had to agree. Buddha’s answer is really worth pondering over. He responded: “I could have attained it here, but I had no idea at that moment. Now I can say that I could have attained it here in this palace; there was no need to go to the mountains, there was no need to go anywhere. I had to go inside, and that could have happened anywhere. This palace was as good as any other place, but now I can say that; at that moment I had no idea. Truthfully, enlightenment can be attained anywhere and, in any situation, including in worldly life. However, at the time I left I didn’t know this. I only realised it after my enlightenment. This is why I have returned, to express my sincere apologies for having left you like a coward. I could have stayed and achieved the same state of consciousness.”

“So you have to forgive me, because it is not that I did not trust you or your courage. In fact, I was doubtful of myself: if I had seen you wake up and if I had seen the child, I may have started wondering, `What am I doing, leaving my beautiful wife, whose total love, whose total devotion is for me. And leaving my one-day-old child… if I am to leave him then why did I give birth to him? I am escaping from my responsibilities.’

“If my old father had awakened, it would have become impossible for me. It was not that I did not trust you; it was really that I did not trust myself. I knew that there was a wavering; I was not total in renouncing. A part of me was saying, `What are you doing?’ — and a part of me was saying, `This is the time to do it. If you don’t do it now it will become more and more difficult. Your father is preparing to crown you. Once you are crowned as king, it will be more difficult. I have come home. And I felt my first duty was towards you: to come, and to convey, and to share my experience with you.”

The anger gone, the rage subsided, Yashodhara looked out through her tears. ‘Yes, this man has changed tremendously.’ This was not the same man she used to know. This was not the same man, not at all; this looked like a great luminosity… She could almost see the aura, a light around him. And he was so peaceful and so silent; he had almost disappeared. His presence was almost absence. And then, in spite of herself, she forgot what she was doing – she fell at his feet and she asked to be initiated.

Yashodhara said to him, “This is the only question that I wanted to ask, and I am immensely happy that you have been absolutely truthful in saying that it can be attained here, it can be attained anywhere. Now your son, who is just standing there, a little boy of twelve years, has been continually asking about you, and I have been telling him, `Just wait. He will come back; he cannot be so cruel, he cannot be so unkind, he cannot be so inhuman. One day he will come. Perhaps whatever he has gone to realize is taking time; once he has realized it, the first thing he will do is to come back.’

Gautam Buddha said, ”You are right. I have come to ask your forgiveness. Forgive me! What I used to think of love was not love. Now I know what love is. But I wanted to wait until you have unburdened the rage you must have accumulated in all those twelve years, day and night, in your loneliness.”

The wife looked at Gautam Buddha with tears in her eyes because she could see that this was not the same man who had left her. He looked the same, but everything had changed: such silence, such presence, such eyes and so much compassion.

“So your son is here, and I want you to tell me what heritage you are leaving for your son? What have you got to give him? You have given him life — now what else?”

She said, ”Before I ask to be initiated also – if I cannot be your wife at least let me be your disciple – your son has been waiting for twelve years and I have been telling him, ‘Wait. Some day he will come back.’ And you have come, but you have come so transformed– so luminous is your being.”

And the son was standing just by her side. She pulled the son in front of Gautam Buddha and said, ”Ask your father for your heritage. He has given birth to you– what else has he to fulfill… his responsibilities towards you?”

The son asked him, and Gautam Buddha called Rahul close and said, ”I don’t have anything. I have your heritage.” And he gave him his begging bowl, “This is my only possession; from now onwards I will have to use my hands as a begging bowl to take my food, to beg my food. By giving you this begging bowl, I am initiating you into Sanyas. That is the only treasure that I have found, and I would like you to find it too.” He said, ”There is nothing which is more valuable. I was waiting for this moment, when I would be really capable of loving you. But my love is now so far away from the love that people talk about that I cannot even use the word. I use the word ‘compassion’. I take you both into my compassion. I have nothing else to give, but I am giving you my very heart and my very experience.”

He said to Yashodhara, “You have to be ready to become a part of my commune of sannyasins,” and he initiated his wife. The old man had come and was watching the whole scene. He said to Gautam Buddha, “Then why are you leaving me out? Don’t you want to share what you have found with your old father? My death is very close… initiate me also.”

Buddha said, “I had come, in fact, just to take you all with me, because what I have found is a far greater kingdom — a kingdom that is going to last forever, which cannot be conquered. I had come here so that you could feel my presence, so that you could feel my realization, and I could persuade you to become my fellow-travelers.” So he initiated all three of them.

They all moved into the forest outside the city, where all his sannyasins were staying. In the first sermon to the sannyasins that evening he told them, “My wife Yashodhara has asked me a question which is of tremendous importance. She has asked me, `Was it not possible to become enlightened in the palace as a king?’ And I have told her the truth: `There is no question of any place, any time. One can become enlightened anywhere — but at that time nobody was there to say it to me. I had no idea of where it was to be found, whom I had to ask, where I had to go. I just jumped into the unknown. But now I can say that wherever you are, if you are courageous enough to risk everything for being alert and aware, enlightenment is going to happen.”

His whole philosophy is a tremendous reverence for all life. Hence every living being in every situation has the capacity to blossom into enlightenment.

This should be a great encouragement to you: it is not only for some special people to become enlightened; even a dog has a buddha-nature. All the religions have been doing just the opposite. They have been condemning you: you are born in sin; you cannot redeem yourself; unless a redeemer is sent by God, you are going to live in misery and sin and suffering.

Buddha gives man absolute dignity, freedom, as nobody else before him has ever done.

He drops the idea of God just to raise your dignity and your freedom to its ultimate height. He removes God to make YOU God. There has never been another human being who has loved other human beings as Gautam Buddha has loved them — and not only human beings but all living beings. His love is infinite.

Osho, The Tantra Vision – Speaking on the Royal Song of Saraha, Vol 2, Ch 1 (excerpt)
Osho: The Great Zen Master Ta Hui Chapter #18 Chapter title: No guilt (Excerpts)
Osho: Om Shantih Shantih Shantih: CHAPTER 9. OLD STONES THAT YOU USED TO THINK WERE DIAMONDS Q 1 (Excerpts)

तुम मुझे भूल भी जाओ तो ये हक़ है तुमको
मेरी बात और है मैंने तो मुहोबत की है। ……………साहिर लुधयानवी

tum mujhe bhool bhi jaao to ye haq hai tumko
meri baat aur hai meine to muhobaat ki hai…………..Sahir Ludhianvi

It is your privilege to even forget me,
it’s different for me as I have deeply loved you.

I was thinking, if Yashodhara would have woken up before Siddharth was leaving the palace, what would she have said to him? And it reminded me of this amazingly popular nazm written by Fayyaz Hashmi, composed by Sohail Raana and sung by Farida Khanum. Now every word assumes a different meaning in relation to this story.
Aaj Jaane Ki Zid Na Karo – Farida Khannum – Top Ghazal Songs (youtube.com)

आज जाने, की ज़िद्द न करो
आज जाने, की ज़िद्द न करो
यूँही पहलू में बैठे रहो
यूँही पहलू में बैठे रहो
आज जाने, की ज़िद्द न करो
आज जाने, की ज़िद्द न करो

हाय, मर जायेंगे
हम तो लुट जायेंगे
ऐसी बातें किया न करो
आज जाने, की ज़िद्द न करो
आज जाने, की ज़िद्द न करो

तुम ही सोचो ज़रा, क्यूँ न रोकें तुम्हें?
तुम ही सोचो ज़रा, क्यूँ न रोकें तुम्हें?
जान जाती है जब उठ के जाते हो तुम
जान जाती है जब उठ के जाते हो तुम
तुमको अपनी क़सम जान-ए-जाँ

बात इतनी मेरी मान लो
आज जाने, की ज़िद्द न करो
आज जाने, की ज़िद्द न करो

वक़्त की क़ैद में ज़िंदगी है मगर
वक़्त की क़ैद में ज़िंदगी है मगर
चंद घड़ियाँ यही हैं जो आज़ाद हैं
चंद घड़ियाँ यही हैं जो आज़ाद हैं
इनको खोकर मेरी, जान-ए-जाँ
उम्र भर न तरसते रहो
आज जाने, की ज़िद्द न करो
आज जाने, की ज़िद्द न करो

कितना मासूम रंगीन है ये समा
हुस्न और इश्क़ की आज में राज है
हुस्न और इश्क़ की आज में राज है
कल की किसको खबर जान-ए-जाँ
रोक लो आज की रात को
आज जाने, की ज़िद्द न करो
आज जाने, की ज़िद्द न करो

हाय, मर जायेंगे
हम तो लुट जायेंगे
ऐसी बातें किया न करो
आज जाने, की ज़िद्द न करो
आज जाने, की ज़िद्द न करो
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